"O' For A Thousand Tongues to Sing!"

So I'm at the conferenece! WOO HOO! It's only been 2 days, people are still getting adjusted to time changes (including me), and settling from the overwhelmingness of being here. It's exciting, overwhelming, loud :) , amazing, emotionally draining, spiritually challenging, just a whole buncha GOD! :) I'm loving every minute of it.
One thing that drew me to this organization is the fact that it's made up of people from ALL over. This conference is the beautiful evidence of Christ's body from all tongues and tribes.
Last night imparticular, we were ending our session with singing. We sang "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord". And the Lord blessed my heart SO much. When it came to the chorus "Holy, Holy, Holy" we were told to sing it in our native tongue.
One word...B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!
There were SO many tongues singing out to the same Father proclaiming His holiness! I was in awe. I've worshipped with people from other cultures before, but not this many at one time. It was such a blessing to hear, and such an awesome reminder that the church is made up of many tongues, cultures, ethnicities, peoples! What a glorious thing! God has called the nations to Himself, and I am now surrounded by others who are called out to go to the nations to declare this great God we all worship!
This is such a sweet time of transition! Not only for my own heart as I prepare to get to my new home, but to meet those who are along this journey with me (just to a different part of the globe). And how excited and honored I am to get the chance to worship Jesus together!

"O' for a thousand tongues to sing OUR GREAT REDEEMERS NAME!!!"

"Leaving on a Jet Plane"

and for the first time I can genuinely say, "don't know when I'll be back again."

This journey began a long time ago, but now the day is finally here :) I'm sitting in the Chicago airport waiting on my flight to Amsterdam. This is my second 4 hour layover during my trip so needless to say I've had a lot of time to think. Thinking about this past summer, thinking about all the preparation that's gone into this, thinking about my family (which typically means I tear up! People probably think I'm looney sitting here and all of a sudden wiping tears away), thinking about the great and many evidences I've seen of the Lord in bringing me to this point, thinking about what's to come.

I know there's a lot I don't see coming (good and bad), but my prayer is the same as it's been: "use me, Lord". I don't ever know what that means, but my desire as I head out is to have open eyes, open ears, and an open heart to hear the Spirit as He leads.
Last night as I was finishing up packing my mom came in to tell me goodnight. She said she had been going through some things upstairs that she has filed away. She was looking through things Luke, Amber, and I had done from school. (To be fair, she wasn't just being a sap, she was actually looking for a document, but this is where it led her) She told me she found a sheet I filled out for a class in the 11th grade. I think it was some career type class and this was a career assessment sheet. It was SO crazy, but such evidence of the Lord!
The sheet read "What career do you want to go into?" My response, "Work Overseas for Christ". Then the next question said, "How do you prepare to accomplish this?" My response, "Go to college and then to seminary."
WHAT!?! When I graduated college, seminary was NO where on my radar. In fact, looking at this paper I was a little confused because I don't EVER remember seminary being in the plans :)
But it was so cool to see how the Lord had led me. At the age of 17, in the 11th grade He was already revealing this path.
I'm very aware that things haven't gone like I thought they would, and when I though they would, but they have gone according to HIS plan. What more could I ask for?

So here we are...the next step. I'm headed overseas! I'm almost positive things will not go as I plan or when I plan :) (That's some wisdom I HAVE picked up over the many lessons He's taught me.) But I know I will look back and see how His hand has been directing and leading in every step of the way, and things happened just as He intended (when He intended). He is such a sovereign and amazing Father!

And that is the ONE thought I want to dwell on as I'm sitting here with so many thoughts running through my mind!

The Final Countdown...

I have 6 days left...SIX days!
The thought of that is surreal, exciting, overwhelming, bitter-sweet, and a bit scary. I guess that's why it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm up writing instead of sleeping.
My mind is racing with packing, what I need to do this week, what I want to enjoy my last week in the States, and also dreading the "goodbyes" to come. I've spent the last several months preparing: Saying goodbye to friends in Wake Forest, selling all of my stuff, moving home, buying things I'll need, raising support, packing, taking care of legal things, and talking to people about going. And now...well now it's here. It's upon me...my final week.
It's completely hard to describe the emotions going on. I'd be lying if I didn't say there weren't times that I just want to break down. The thought of saying bye to my parents is something I'm dreading, and I know it's approaching soon. I know after it's over and I'm on the plane I will be okay, even excited to get there, but actually having to say "goodbye" is what I dread. I'm not trying to be overdramatic, and I'm glad to have parents who love and support me as I go. I think that's why it makes it so hard to say goodbye. I love them very much. And they love and support me; on top of that they are my brother and sister in Christ. A bond I'm very thankful for.
So I go from a feeling of dread from thinking about that moment....to feelings of excitment at what's to come....to fear as to all the unknowns and...to joy for not knowing :)
I know a lot of changes are coming very soon, and as I deal with all of these different emotions that "pop" up before me this word continues to confront and comfort me...."Abide". I know it's not the word, but the One whom I abide in that comforts. It calms me and focuses me just to "be" with Christ, to rest in Him...in these moments of overwhelming emotions that fluctuate WAY too much for this girl who doesn't like to cry and isn't the most affectionate (my roommate, Marta, can testify to my lack of hugs! :) ) I'm simply reminded to not be overcome by the emotions, but to seek Christ in each of them. That's a very hard thing to do. Emotions are a very strong thing that can captivate us. We can all testify that. But my sweet Savior has been so gracious to continually and gently press upon me to simply abide in Him. I know He will need to continually remind me as life changes, my sin gets in the way, and things don't go as I think they should.
So, here we are...
The countdown's begun...six more days...and I'll be abiding with Him in every one of them!

Never Thought A "Paci" Would Teach Me So Much

My niece's paci "broke" this week. Sara Kate (affectionately known as Squish) is two and therefore has teeth :) So her beloved, faithful paci got a hole in it after much chewing. This may not seem like a big deal but this two year old (who is for the most part sweet showing her attitude on occassion) became A WHOLE NOTHER CHILD. It was like she was so disappointed and devastated that her paci had "let her down" that she became a different person. She gave up on her "entourage" (blankie, puppy, and monkey) who she often carries everywhere and sleeps with. This also effected her demeanor during the day as I know she was "testing" to my sister the past few days because of her joyous A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E (complete sarcasm). She even refused any new paci that was offered.
Last night as I was trying to get her to lay down she was whinning and I offered her a BRAND new paci (the exact same as her old one) and told her that CaCa had "fixed" her paci. Squish looked up at me and said wimpering, "No, it's bwoke."
Today I was thinking about that. Sweet Squish had been let down and her paci disappointed her. It was a tough time for her (everyone in the house can testify to this!), and she didn't trust that when I offered her a new paci that it was in fact "fixed" and given the age of her old paci, probably better than the other. It made me think about how we (yes adults) are like that. Things, people, the economy, life lets us down; we go through hard times; we have to face hard things, and we have a choice as to how we handle it. The way we handle the hardships and let downs also bring us to the place of how we handle our Father's good gifts. I'm not talking about material gifts, but the things He has planned that we don't see coming. Things that may not mean the same without the hardships and let downs. Depending on our response to the hardships and let downs could determine whether we trust whether the "paci" we're being offered later on is reliable and good. If we hold on to the hard times, kicking and screaming at how disappointed we are, we may "see" those hardships instead of the BRAND new opportunities that come before us and not trust that they are in fact good.

Today was a hard day for me... A "bwoke" day if you will. You see today my brother left for college, AND my sister and the girls went back home. I won't see them again before I leave.

I didn't want to cry. I honestly wanted to act like I would see them again soon, but the reality is that Amber is a bit more realistic than I am. When we said "goodbye" her tears started flowing, and then came mine. It was very hard to say "goodbye". Amber and I are close (probably closer than many can claim) and that's not bragging, but rather said in a thankful manner because Amber and I have a great relationship as sisters in the Lord.
So as they left today and the thought of Squish and her paci came to mind I thought about how even though there's a "broke"-ness to this, I know my Father's offering something that is unfamiliar and that I don't know all the details to, BUT I have to trust that it is good. I can be sad about leaving my family (there's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact I'm glad I have a family to be sad about leaving), but I don't need to let this hard time leave me disappointed and devastated. Rather, I need to trust that as hard as saying "goodbye" is (and there's some harder one's to come), my Father has never let me down or disappointed me.
So the "broke" days will come (in many different forms), but the question is will you, will I, hold on to those hard times (like a two year old begrudging her unfaithful paci :) ) and let them effect what God offers to us in the future? or will you trust that what God is offering is good?