Merry Christmas!

So a few years ago I came to a conclusion: Christmas is just more fun when there’s kids around. I remember when my niece, Carsyn, was about 2 years old. We woke her up on Christmas morning (this kid will sleep til noon if you let her!) She came down the hall half asleep, curly hair going C.R.A.Z.Y, and very disoriented. BUT as soon as she saw her presents, adrenaline kicked in and she was a “ripping” machine. She was so excited, and it was so much fun to watch her not only open her own presents, but want to see what everyone else was opening too. Since then Christmas has always been fun. Last year we had TWO crazy kids tearing through presents. It was a blast!

See, before Carsyn, Christmas was boring (apologies to my family, but you know it’s true). My brother was in his later years of high school, me in college, and my sister was a “newlywed”. We slept late, got up, opened presents, and ate breakfast. Pretty low-key and chill. I mean don’t get me wrong, those were some great relaxing years, but the truth is I prefer the kids! They just make it more fun!

This Christmas proved that theory TEN fold!!!

I spent Christmas Eve morning with 12 kids ages 7 months to 15 years. And it was a BLAST!!!

We started off the morning with breakfast. They ate quicker than I’ve ever seen them eat before. Then we did clean-up. Again, they were quick. These kids meant business… they were ready for some presents!

They all sat while the presents were handed out. They were so good, no one trying to open a gift (they even let us get a picture). Then…game on! They got to tearing, ripping, paper everywhere! It was AWESOME!!! They were looking through their treasures, yelling across the room for so-and-so to look at what they got, grinning from ear to ear. What a blessing it was!

After all the gifts were open the kids just played. They were all over the place, chasing bouncy balls, zooming toy cars, putting together legos, drawing pictures… The fun just didn’t end. I was sitting there just smiling watching all of them when the Lord once again humbled me.
See, the majority of these kids were from the same family. A “Roma” family. I put that in quotes because that is their heritage, but I hate using that term to define them. They are each so precious, and so much more than what society sees them as. These kids don’t ever have what we think of as a “typical” Christmas. Their mother passed away several years ago, and they live
a life most in the U.S could never imagine. It often breaks my heart and brings me to tears to think of how they live.

So as I was sitting there, beaming to get to experience Christmas with them, and one of the boys (who is about 9 or 10 and so sweet and mild mannered) walked up to me and held out some candy. I thought he wanted me to open it for him, but he told me “no, it’s for you.” It was candy he had gotten from his Samaritan Purse Christmas Shoebox. I told him that it was sent for him and so thanks, but it was for him. He insisted I take it, and pointing to my “empty pile” on the table said something to the extent of (I’m still learning language) he wanted me to have it because I didn’t have any presents to open.

I almost lost it. I started rapidly sipping my coffee so I wouldn’t cry. These precious kids! How I praise the Lord for them.
This Christmas above all the blessings…the fun, the craziness, and the smiles…the beautiful smiles…God sweetly showed me such grace through a young boy who has so little, but saw someone without “presents to open” and didn’t want them to be left out…and I am left once again humbled by His grace.

Merry Christmas!

On This "Side" Of The Shoeboxes

"Paketić! Paketić!" They screamed as they came running from their house. They knew why we were there. They knew we had brought the Christmas packets...

Today started off raining, cold, and gloomy. I met my teammate Adam, and two local guys at the office. They loaded up the van and we were off to deliver Christmas shoeboxes. I've been excited all week about getting to go. I have wanted to go out with Adam into the Roma communities for some time now, but haven't had the opportunity. On top of that for years now I have participated in making Christmas shoeboxes to send to other countries. I was looking forward to being on this "side" of the process. So, I made sure I had nothing going on in order to go today.

The first house we went to was very welcoming; the kids were very excited about getting packets. We were able to share about why we were giving these packets, why people in other countries sent these packets for them; because God has given the greatest gift He could ever give to us.

Upon arriving at the next house we were met with children excited because they knew why we had come. We went into a room where three families live together. They were so welcoming. We talked for a little, they served us “kafu and sok” (coffee and juice-which consists of anything from actual juice to coke), and treated us like honored guest.

I know it’s customary, and they were being good “host”, but do you know how humbling it is to sit in a home with no running water, very little heat, that houses three families (at least 5 people in each) and be served like that?

The thought crossed my mind, “Hold on, we are here to serve you, to be a blessing to your family…we aren’t the ones who are suppose to be served.” But I have found over my years that it’s usually when you are serving those who have little that YOU receive the most (and are humbled the most). What pride to think I could come and serve them? I mean I know the Lord’s brought me here to serve…Him, others, and to learn to die to myself more and more. But the way He continues to go about doing that is always in a way I cannot deny HIS hand…ever.

It’s always Him who is serving people, not me. I’m merely a “means” by which He uses. If I were serving them than I would have walked away so “proud” of all WE had done, all WE had given, and all the blessings WE had brought.

But on this rainy, cold, gloomy day, I walked away humbled…with the warmth of my Savior who for some reason has chosen to use me to bring HIS Good News to these people (people He uses to humble me!)

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" 1 Corinthians 1:27-31

That's What Christmas Is All About, Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.

Linus: Lights, please.

Linus: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"

Linus: That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

This is one of my favorite Christmas "traditions"... watching Charlie Brown Christmas! I think one of the things I love about it is that Linus makes it so simple. And it is...it's so simple...and being overseas has made that even more clear.

For the past several years...probably since I was in high school Christmas has been more about Christ, family, traditions, etc. I mean I like presents...but really I like giving them more than getting them. I haven't been caught up in the whole commercialism stuff for awhile. But being here has made me focus even more on what Christmas means.

Christmas isn't as big a deal here as in the States. There's not the atmosphere of everyone getting ready for family to come, buying gifts, celebrations, parties, etc. It's just kind normal...and cold outside :) as winter approaches. So already, it doesn't "feel" like Christmas.

But I was thinking about that today... what is Christmas suppose to "feel" like. There's nothing wrong with being around family, giving, enjoying friends, etc. at Christmas time, and honestly since Christ is apart of my life daily, that's more of what Christmas has been about.

However, this will be my frist Christmas that I won't spend with my family. (Go ahead...cry a little for me!) Just kidding!

It is a sad thought, but it's made me ask this question, "So if Christmas has been more about celebrating with my family and friends, and even enjoying them, what does this year look like?"

I have my friends here, and I'll spend Christmas with them, and I'll still get to skype with my family, but I guess as Christmas approaches it's a reminder that the things I've been "use" to have been stripped away (and that's not meant to sound cruel...because I'm here by choice and don't regret being away from family), but it's caused me to ask myself, "what's left?"

And the answer is simple...like Linus says..."Christ"...He's what's left...

I don't mean that to sound like I've put Him on the back burner or that when it comes to it I'll take Christ since I can't have the other stuff. What I mean is that at some point the epiphany occurred to me that Christmas isn't all about toys and getting stuff....it's about celebrating Christ. Once again I'm reminded that it's as simple as that....it's about celebrating that Christ was born to live and then die on behalf of sinful man.

Family, friends, traditions....none of that is bad! I honestly am and do miss it tremendously, but when it's all said and done, the reality is those things can change...those things do change....

What does NOT ever change is that centuries ago... "there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"

So my prayer in writing this is that you would enjoy family, friends, traditions...Christmas, but most of all...make it as simple as possible and enjoy Jesus!

My "Charlie Brown" Christmas Tree!!!

(My mom sent me this in a package! She's so awesome!)

Oh! The Places You'll Go!!!

A week ago I got up early, met two of my teammates, caught a taxi to the train station and boarded a train for the first time since I was like 5! We were headed to Mostar, BiH (like a 3 hour train ride). As I was walking to board the train I had a moment where I thought, "I'm about to get on a train...traveling through BiH...with a guy from Chile, and a guy from Costa Rica." And then Dr. Seuss' poem "Oh! The Places You'll Go" started reciting through my head.

Since this journey began I've seen some incredible sights and met some incredible people. This week didn't fail to dissappoint in either of those categories.

FYI: If you EVER get the chance to come to Bosnia, Mostar is a city you need to see! IT is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!!!

One of the first nights we went for coffee (big surprise!) and I commented as we were walking back, "It looks like a fairy-tale". The sun was almost gone, there was a little purple coloring in the sky, the lights were on in the stone buildings in old town, and we were looking over the bridge. One of the other American girls with me said, "I know it's like you'd expect a guy on a white horse to come riding up." (Sorry to say, no prince charming on a white horse...BUT I did see some pretty sights and lots of goats if that counts for anything!)

I went to Mostar to go to "school". We started on Monday and went until Friday. The class was on Isaiah, which is a book I LOVE! So, I was more than happy to take a week, see some new sights, learn some new things, and meet some new people.

I was able to meet some believers from all over the world (this has become a regular occurrence since coming overseas), and I enjoyed some good "down-time" with them. I have been through almost 8 years of education studying the scriptures, learning methodologies, theories, doctrines, etc. All of that has been good, but the thing that impressed me about being here was the different insights from the different cultures.

I will be the first to say I'm very thankful for the education I've received. I've studied under some AMAZING people who love the Lord and walk with Him daily. The thing I've lacked though is that it's all been from an "American" perspecitive. It's not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just a "piece" of the puzzle. To be able to study with and hear the observations from people from other cultures and countries was SO encouraging, and in some ways challenging for my thought process.

On top of getting to study with these amazing people, I also got to know some of them and their stories. It was such a time of encouragement to hear where people have come from and how they got to BiH. I was able to meet a local believer and talk with him about what they Lord is doing in his life and how He is growing him up in the Word. This encouraged my heart to see how our sweet Savior is raising up locals here for leadership and to share the Good News with others.

I was also able to rest some. I love the city I'm in, but I will be the first to admit that language learning can be draining! It takes a lot of brain cells and constant thinking to say things and to translate them in my head (I've always admired people who are bi-lingual, but now even moreso!) So, to have the week to still use language but have a break from classes was nice. Mostar is such a peaceful place, and I was able to relax a little and just enjoy the amazing views.

If you would have asked me even 6 months ago where Mostar was, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. But I'm so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to see this beautiful city, meet the people there, and have some rest in such a peaceful place. Oh! The places He's allowed me to go...It's been such an incredible adventure so far...I can't wait to see what (and where) else He has planned!

It's already NOVEMBER!?! Are you kidding me!?!

Is it REALLY already NOVEMBER!?!

This time has FLOWN by so far. Fall has finally arrived here (it’s been abnormally hot for this time of year), but now the weather is cooler, leaves are changing, and life seems to be “slowing” down in a since (you can tell people are preparing for the winter). Seeing the changing of the leaves and the slower pace of life it made me start thinking as I was making my way to class the other day, about how much things have changed in the past 2 months of me living here. I was thinking about how the scriptures talk about the changing of the seasons and of life. There’s a time for everything: a time to be born and a time to die, a time for joy and a time for weeping, there’s a time for war and a time for peace…makes me want to sing “TURN, TURN, TURN”. I’ve been dwelling a lot since then about how I have changed in the past two months.
I mean the obvious change is that I’m not in the U.S. anymore! I spend my Saturday mornings having breakfast with a family of 7 from New York and 8 Roma kids (I LOVE Saturdays!), I hang my clothes out to dry, I've aquired a 5-year old Bosnian momak (boyfriend), I don’t drive anymore, I have to rely on other people for a lot of things, instead of churches on every corner there are mosque, I haven’t had a glass of sweet tea in almost THREE months! I sleep with a window opened instead of a ceiling fan, and I don’t go GET coffee anymore, I go FOR a coffee visit (for at least 2 hours).
More seriously though... I’ve changed a lot in what it means to daily walk with Jesus, to depend on Him in a way I’ve never had to before, I’ve learned more about what spiritual warfare and oppression looks like and I’ve seen it first-hand, I’ve been humbled (consistently) by the changing power of the Gospel in the life of a 15 year old boy (who’s had a life I can never even begin to imagine), I’ve learned more about dying to self and serving others, and I’ve seen more of the beauty of what it means to rest and abide in Christ.

Just as there is a time for the dying of the leaves sometimes comes a time in each of us as believers to “die” to self. And just like the leaves form again in the spring, when we “die” we are able to know more of the Life we have in Christ.
I’ll be honest, I’ve done a lot of “dying” these past two months. There’s been some hard times where I just clang to the promise that Christ is my strength, HE is a tower of salvation, HE is my refuge. Change has not been bad these past two months, but it’s been hard at times. It’s been hard to realize things about myself, about the world, about life that I was “blind” to or simply didn’t want to notice. The beauty of it though is just like the leaves are falling now outside, I know without a doubt they will grow back in the Spring. Even though I have had some hard times these past two months it’s been things that have caused me to “die” to self, to shed some “leaves” so to speak, and I know that without a doubt new “leaves” will grow, but this time they will be replaced characteristics that only come from my sweet Savior.

“ He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” – Jim Elliot

It's Raining in the House!

Have you ever gotten in the shower after being outside working, or just after a LONG tiring day and feeling SO gross? There have been times in my life when I've worked so hard and then gotten in the shower and just stood there letting the warm water pour all over me. It's so refreshing...and I just feel CLEAN! Like all the grime, dirt, and grossness of the day has just washed right off me. Showers are GREAT, and so often we don't think about what it would be like to not be able to take one.
This past Saturday I got to be a part of an amazing "first" shower experience, and I wanted to share it with you....I hope it blesses your heart as much as it blessed mine!
When Liz and Adam met Lajton and his family I don’t think they ever imagined that they’d be “adopting” 8 more children. They have been blessed with five beautiful daughters who each have their own personalities, and upon moving here they felt called to specifically work with the Roma peoples.
Adam met a young Roma boy one day and this led to meeting his 6 brothers and 1 sister. From there the relationship grew and the oldest boy became a follower the summer of 2011. Adam and Liz have had the opportunity to love and serve this family who lost their mother 5 years ago, and through this they have also had chances to minister to their father who is not a believer.
Since the oldest brother's salvation he has spent time with Adam growing and learning what it means to live for and serve Christ. His brothers and sister also have heard the Gospel and he is continually working with them to teach them more about Jesus.
Liz and Adam felt though that since these kids have become such a huge part of their life they wanted to genuinely treat them as they would their own family. If they had family members back in America who did not have running water or means to wash their clothes they would offer their home to them to use. With that, it was determined that they would invite the Roma family to their home ever Saturday for breakfast, to take showers, and to wash clothes.
The past Saturday was the first one to begin this, and I went to help Liz and Adam “maintain” the chaos. Seven of the eight Roma children showed up, and with the five girls already living there it was filled with lots of laughter, noise, and fun. The Roma family seemed a bit hesitant at first. Liz and I made breakfast and Adam came in to ask us how we thought he should handle getting the kids bathed. No one wanted it to be awkward, but the reality is when you are offering to give kids a shower who don’t often shower it is just going to be a little awkward. Adam rounded up the youngest one. He is a hilarious little boy. He is constantly trying to tickle people, acting like he is going to karate chop you; he’s just a joker! Liz and I started feeding the kids and then afterwards were able to sit down ourselves to have a bite.
When Adam and thislittle boy came out of the bathroom we cheered for the little guy and how “good” he looked. He just smiled and wandered over to the other kids playing the Wii.
Adam then told us that when he turned on the shower for this little boy he looked at Adam and said, “It’s like it’s raining in your house!” Adam laughed a little and said, “Yea. Kind of.” He then told us that this sweet little kid was standing in the shower (buck naked) dancing back and forth singing, “It’s raining in the house, it’s raining in the house!”
Liz and I busted out laughing, and then my eyes started to feel with tears as the realization that this six year old boy had never experienced a shower. How heartbreaking and how humbling! The things I take for granted are numerous, and this little guy reminded me of that in a very funny, but very impactful way. I’m very excited to see what happens from here with these Saturday mornings: to build relationships with these kids, to have the chance to love them, to serve them, to get to experience other “firsts” with them.
This was a perfect memory for the first Saturday morning with this family. I don’t know if I’ll ever take a shower again with the thought at least once crossing my mind “It’s raining in the house, it’s raining in the house!” And who knows I might even start dancing in the shower too!

Livin' With Locals #2: "I'm A Little Bit Country..."

My parents gave me the name Courtney...
I've never really cared one way or the other about my name. I don't remember ever wanting to change it, but I WILL say that it's had it's share of difficulties. See, for some my name is a little hard to say.
Kids under the age of 4 usually have a hard time with it. Hence, this is why I'm called Aunt CaCa (and yes I'm aware of it's meaning in other languages!) by my nieces. Carsyn couldn't say Courtney when she was learning to talk, and so we had MaMa, DaDa, and CaCa...Since the other two were obviously spoken for...I took what I could get :) And I've grown to love the fact that when I would get off the plane and Carsyn would see me she would yell (very excitedly and loudly) "CA CA!!!!" And I would have the priviledge of smiling while everyone looked to see WHO IN THE WORLD SHE WAS CALLING "CA CA" :)
While working with children throughout my life I've often been called Courty and Court. One of my favorites though is that some people of other cultures who aren't use to the whole "T" being next to the "N" thing often call me Corny :) Which if they understood the context in English they'd know why I giggle a little when they say my name.
My name being prnounced wrong doesn't bother me. I often realize the person is trying to acknowledge me, and it's just not that big of a deal to have to correct people.

So begins my second story of my "family" that I'm living with here...
There is a little boy in the family who is almost 5 years old. He is a typical plays hard, wants to karate chop things, gets dirty, loud, funny, and is just described by the word "BOY". He's precious, and often cracks me up. (For the purpose of telling these stories and not having to write "the little boy" we'll call him "Amir".)

My self-proclaimed (almost) 5 year old "boyfriend"

Since I've been living with the family, we (Amir's parents and myself) have been working with him on pronouncing my name (moreso his parents than me). Here, my name would be spelled Kortni. So, it's not THAT weird. I mean no one here is named Courtney, but the letters are pronouncable. The mom and dad can pronouce my name, but poor litte "Amir" has a very hard time with it.
See, "Amir" calls me "Country" :) And given the fact that I AM from MISSISSIPPI and am often given a hard time for the "y'alls" and drawl in my speech, this is not only ironic, but rather humerous.
The other night "Amir" was talking with his grandmother on the phone. His grandmother knows I'm living with them and was asking about me. He kept saying, "Country, blah, blah, blah..." Then she responded by saying, "Country?" because that's what he said. And Amir got a little angry and said, "NE! (No) COUNTRY!" She responded again, "Country?" And even louder "Amir" said, "NE!!!! CCCCCOOOOUUUUNNNNTTTTRRRRYYYYY!!!!" because when he heard her say my name she was saying it wrong! :) He was getting very upset that she was pronoucing my name WRONG! :) Finally, his mother got on the phone and told the grandmother that my name is pronounced "Courtney" and the grandmother said it back to "Amir". He was pleased with this and said, "Da (yes). Country." :) HA HA!!!
The poor thing probably has no clue why his parents and I keep trying to get him to say "COURTney". In his mind he's saying it right. To him, I'm "Country".
Now, it just really cracks me up everytime he says it...and I've gotten to where rather than correcting him I just look at him, smile, and say,
"Yep, I'm Country" with as SOUTHERN an accent as I can :)

This is the pose I got when I told him I was taking his picture :)

Stevie Sung It Best..."Very Superstitious!!!"

So last night I got to thinking. (As my dad would say this is very dangerous. And right now with me on "language learning overload" he'd probably be right!) But nonetheless, I was thinking about some of the things I've noticed here...superstitions if you will.

Some simply crack me up. Like for instance if you read my previous post about the socks...well, that's a superstition here. Another one I've come across was from a fellow American in this area. He hurt is back some time ago and was asked by a local if he had been wearing an undershirt, like one of those tank-top things (we call them "wife-beaters" (not the best name :) ). When he responded that he didn't typically wear those, this local informed him that is why he hurt his back :) Really?!?!

Another one is about drafts in the home. You can't have two windows/doors on opposite sides of the house opened. Some people hold to this so devoutly that when someone comes to their front door they will close their balcony door, go let the person in the front, and return to the balcony door to reopen. "NO DRAFT ALLOWED!" I think there's some belief that it'll cause injury or sickness to someone in the house.

The most recent though (and the one that got me thinking about all of this) is a superstition about pregnant women. If you are eating something and a preganant woman is around and she sees you but you don't offer her any of what you have, you get sickness in the eye.

Now just a sidenote here: for all you pregnant women out there I would take FULL advantage of this one. I mean that's like a ton of free food! :)

Back to the point...we all have superstitions. I'm sure if locals here came to the States they would think some of our superstitions are just strange! Like I remember in high school throwing salt over my shoulder if it spilled. Still don't really know WHY we did this, but my friends and I did. And who decided Friday the 13th was unlucky? Or the number 13 for that matter! Or like athletes who wear the same socks, shoes, etc. (and not wash them) because they won a game in them and now this item is "lucky". Personally, I just think they've gotten the words "gross" and "luck" confused!

I became aware of being superstitious a few years ago. Even words and phrases I use: "wish", "good luck". They are so common, but a few years ago I decided to really concentrate on my vocabulary and the things I say. See what we say and do portrays something about ourselves, as do our superstitions. Superstitions often show what we fear, give us a "reason" for why something happens that we don't understand, or show what we desire to control.

Ultimately, it comes down to TRUST. Our speech, our actions, our superstitions proclaim to ourselves and others what we are trusting in.

So a few years back I stopped saying things like "good luck" and "I wish" because I don't believe in luck...I believe IN Jesus. I don't "wish" for things like some genie is going to appear and give me all I desire....I hope IN Christ and trust in Him to provide what I NEED (not want!).

I'm not trying to get on a soap box about language and articulation...well maybe I am, but as I was thinking yesterday about the superstitions here and then elsewhere in the world, I came to realize these things really DO matter. They really do tell others something about us. I don't want people to think I trust in some tradition or "omen" or that I fear I have to appease someTHING out there. I want what I do and say to portray the Gospel.

As I was thinking yesterday it made me ask myself if I do have any "superstitions" right now, even silly one's like throwing salt or wearing socks (that I might be blinded to or maybe I AM aware of), and what do those superstitions say I'm trusting in? Whatever they might be, they are taking my trust away from Christ...and according to scripture, that's idolatry! So while I don't think I need to walk around on eggshells, constantly worried over these things (that's why there's grace!) I do think I need to be more aware of these things in my life. I know I'm often too apathetic towards them!

So, I leave you with the same question I asked myself: do you have superstitions and what do they declare to yourself and others about what you are trusting in?

Life With A Foreign Family: WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOUR SOCKS!?!

So I know I just posted something...yesterday :) But I was laying in bed last night and I thought about the fact that I really need to start posting more about my "adventures" living with my "family". I've already mentioned a few adjustments, and left out a few others, but I think as someone who is adjusting to a different culture it's good to find the humerous differences between cultures; to be able to laugh and realize that these differences are just that...different. Not necessarily bad, just different. And while some things here make me go, "Why do they do that?" I'm learning that no matter where you live the things we do often come from the fact that yo' momma did it that way, as her momma did, and her momma, and so on and so on... And I've come to one conclusion in my short time here: this American girl wants to be open to learning some lessons from this culture she is engulfed in!
I hope these stories will make you laugh (although some may make you cry), but most importantly I hope they make you see the world a little differently, and even ask yourself "So, why do I do (insert a tradition) here (in my own country)?"
Enjoy the first of many to come :)
So, I've experienced my first sickness here. This past weekend (see previous post) we had 30 something people in a cabin all together...and a "glorious" stomache virus made it's way into our lives. I was one of the lucky ones who got to experience this stomache bug. I started feeling sick the night before we left and the day we were to pack up and leave I woke up (correction! I was woken up) early in the morning to run to the bathroom. So needless to say I wasn't much help cleaning and someone brought me back to town before all the others left. I stayed with some friends and slept most of the day. We text my "family" to let them know I wouldn't be home till Wednesday and all was well.
Well, yesterday I woke up feeling much better, but my stomache was still not my friend. I ate mainly pretzels and Sprite/water Tuesday and Wednesday because anything remotely heavy made my stomache churn. I went to language class and came back. We called my family and told them I was coming home but that I had a stomache virus so I had some pretzels and water and was "good to go". I finished packing my backpack and headed out the door.
LO AND BEHOLD...I got to the bottom of the building, rounded the corner, and who is standing acroos the street (might I add not anywhere near their own apartment) but my "family"! :) I just smiled. (It just means they care about me!) But I do have to say it was rather humorous.
I walked up to them and the dad looked at my feet and said something that sounded like "Soaks?" (He was trying to say "socks")
I smiled and said, "Ne" (No) "Cuc'i" (Home) and pointed to indicate my socks were at the house.
He said something in his language and then looked at me and said, "Soaks...stomak...dobra" (translation: Socks...Stomache...Good) He was trying to explain that I needed socks on my feet to help my stomache get better :)
Internally I busted out laughing! For those of you who know my sarcasm, it was in FULL swing internally. I was thinking, "OF COURSE! SOCKS!" :)
See, people here already think I'm crazy! It's almost October and I'm still wearing flip-flops. Here...it doesn't matter what the temperature is...you dress based on the month. And for those of you who know me well, you know I LOVE flip-flops and HATE close-toed shoes. I will wear flip-flops until my feet are so cold they get frost-bite!
On with the story...so he accepts my answer and we go to the grocery store before heading home. We get home and I put on socks :) No harm in appeasing this.
The first thing I'm asked as I sit down is, "Chai? Good for stomak."
I think, "Tea isn't so bad." So, I tell them chai is fine. Then I'm offered cake (waffer type cookies). Again, not so bad. I can appease this as well (even though I'm actually not one bit hungry).
About a hour later, the mom starts setting the table :) She places a bowl in front of me and I'm thinking, "Really? Does she really want me to eat? Lord, please help me! I don't know what to say to her."
Then she brings out this huge pan filled with chicken, peppers, and potatoes that has been cooked in oil (a staple here). My stomache churns and I think, "There is absolutely NO way!"
She looks at me and uses the phrase she often does, "You ate?" ("You eat?")
I say, "Ne, hvala, Ne. Stomak bole." (No thank you. No. Stomache sick)
She says, "Chicken." and offers a piece of the chicken.
Again I say, "Ne hvala." (With a look of desperation as to say, "please let it be! I don't want to eat")
She shakes her head and says, "Okay. You ate cake (the waffer cookies)."
Whooo! Praise Jesus...I was really concerned there'd be more persistence on her part, but so thankful she let it be :)
...Although the rest of the night I think I was offered chai and cake like 10 more times :)

Making John Candy Proud

Have you ever seen "The Great Outdoors" with John Candy and Dan Aykroyd? Great movie! I recommend you watch it! This past weekend scenes from this movie continued to go through my mind!
See, we were on an "outing" this past weekend to do some planning.
Picture this: a cabin, decent sized, but with 32 people (with 10 of those being kids) living together for 4 days...talk about a lot of noise, a lot of food, and a WHOLE lot of FUN!!!
We were able to spend time together discussing the things we've seen "work" and the things we've seen fail, and just giving the Lord glory for what He's been doing this past year. For me this was an awesome time to just listen. Since I have just arrived it was so encouraging just to be able to hear from those who have been here a while.
This weekend was also a time to make plans for the upcoming year: to brainstorm, and reflect on needs where we are. Included in all of this we simply got to hang out, get to know each other a little better, share with one another, and just have fun! (And if singing and dancing to Michael Jackson while cooking dinner isn't a good time...I'm not sure what is!)
There have been so many occassions in the process of being here that I have stopped and just thought about where I am and who I am with and just praised God. At one point this weekend I remember looking around the campfire (and no, we did not sing "kum bay ya", though I tried to get is started ;) ) and reflecting on all these people sitting with me from all over the U.S, and then from different countries as well and how we are coming together to live in a completely DIFFERENT country because we all have one thing in common: we know and are known by the Almighty God who has saved us! What an amazing thing!
It was such a good weekend! So cram me in a cabin with this bunch again anytime :) It makes for some GREAT stories, building and continuing some GREAT relationships, and most importantly, getting to praise, dwell on, and glorify a GREAT God!

What's Love Got To Do With It?

So if you would have asked me a year ago if I thought that this time next year I'd be living with a family who can't speak English and constantly wants me to eat (as if I REALLY look like I've got issues with eating ;) ), watching Turkish soap operas almost every night (please note this is because the family does!), taking a 45min-1 hour bus ride to get to a language class, and going to MacDonald's would be my solace, I probably would have laughed in your face. I probably would have then said, "first of all, I can't STAND MacDonald's (or soap operas for that matter)"
But the reality is...this is my life! :) (and FYI I'm LOVING it- Turkish soap operas and all!)
I'm adjusting, and the Lord has shown me such sweet grace in the process of being here so far. I know it's Him because there are things here that are different (some of you have heard stories from my mom). It's not bad...genuinely... just different and I'm learning to adjust. A lot of times I just giggle and go "Well, that's just the way it is here!" That attitude is completely from the Lord!
One thing He's shown me recently though is that during this time of adjusting and learning language I can still love. Love does not need words!
This past week I was looking at the email from my congregation back in North Carolina and realized they were studying 1 Corinthians 13. So I read 1 Corinthians 13 :) Always a good chapter!
Then Sunday I went to worship with a local body here. 1 Corinthians 13 was read and briefly spoken about! Twice in a matter of 3 days the Lord was placing these verses before me (I've learned that when this happens I need to pay attention).
Then yesterday some ladies came over to my host families home for coffee. The lady I'm living with was telling one of the ladies about something that happened to her a few years back that's honestly left alot of fear in her life. I believe the other night she was trying to tell me about this but I didn't understand. I caught the gist of what she was saying, but not the details or even that it was about HER! We are doing well with communicating, but the language barrier causes some issues when it comes to details :/
All that said, this is what (among many other lessons) I believe the Lord was trying to "shake me awake" to: I can learn the language here. In fact I've been trying SO hard to understand, translate, and figure out what this lady is trying to say to me that often I don't listen to what she is telling me. I hear and can figure out words, but I think I was SO focused on the language barrier and the "task" of figuring out what she is saying and what/how I'm going to communicate what I need to say to her that I forgot something very important!

She is a person!

A person who God loves, a person who has had hardships (maybe big, maybe small), who has had joys, who like everyone else deals with things that life throws our way.

And this morning it hit me! "Courtney, you can learn the language; you can know it so well you sound like a local, but are you listening to what is being said?" In other words am I loving the person well by listening and genuinely getting to know the person speaking?
I was challenged with the fact that so often I am task-oriented; learning language, doing what I have to get done for the day, trying to figure out what's being said. BUT love can be shown in ways that LANGUAGE BARRIERS CANNOT HINDER! I don't want to be merely clanging brass! I don't want to merely learn the language! (though I do need to learn the language) But I also want to KNOW the people! I want to genuinely, whole-heartedly LOVE these people!
So in the midst of all the joys and challenges of adjusting and learning language, the Lord once again is gently reminding me to focus on knowing His love and in return LOVING others, and I CAN DO THAT WITHOUT SPEAKING ONE BIT OF THE LANGUAGE!!!

Me in my new "crib"! (Notice the clothes hanging out in the balcony :) )

The Secrets Out!

So...I have a confession :)
I got a tattoo! Some of you alreaddy know this, and some of you are probably in shoce right now. Others might be thinking "Doesn't surprise me at all!" :) And some may even be a little disappointed.

I got it right before I left to move overseas. My brother (Yes, Luke...I'm telling on you!) offered to pay for it as a going away present and since I've wanted one for about 8 years now, I decided to finally just do it! And I'm so happy I did! I love it. It's of the word "Abide" and it's on my left wrist.

I'm writing about this because the other day my sweet friend, Erin sent me an email. I had told her before leaving about my tattoo. She said in her email that right after telling her about it the chruch she goes to begam a series on John and specifically what it means to abide in Christ. In her email she was asking me what the word "abide" means to me since it was important enough to get put on my body permanently :)

WHAT A GREAT QUESTION!!!

I wanted to share my response to her because it was a great reminder to me (not to why I got the tattoo) but a reminder of the Gospel. I appreciated the question SO much because it made me take the time to write it out and remember what it means to abide in Christ. Such a beautiful thing that I'm continually growing in. So here it goes... what abiding means to me and why it is important enough to have on my body forever:

So a few years back...before seminary, when I went to Kazakhstan, my friend, Jeff, was reading this book called "The Power of the Blood Covenant". Because I love Kay Arthur and was "in love" with studying about covenant I was intrigued by this book. I started reading it and was challenged to search the scriptures in regards to covenant and what things like the Lord's supper, baptism, and our relationship as the Body looks like. Now granted I'm no expert and I'm continually growing in all of those, but the Lord grew my mindset to see Christ in a more personal way. So oftern I knew the Spirit lives in me, but it was like He was there to convict and encourage...the end. The Lord was growing me to see that the Spirit in real within me and I could fellowship with Him and through that I could likewise fellowship with Jesus and the Father.

There was a phrase the author of the book kept using "enjoy Christ". THroughout reading and even after that I've dwelt on what that means. Not just enjoy His blessings or when I'm growing, but enjoy HIM. It's like me saying I want to enjoy (fill in your name). It means I want to know you so personally and intimately that I know everything about you and enjoy every minute of learning it, knowing it, and who you are as you throughout and during my life. That takes ALL of my life. We are constantly growing in what it means to enjoy Christ. And I think that's what He's getting at when He says, "For I am the Vine, you are the branches. If you abide in my and I in you, you will bear much fruit; for without me you can do nothing." He's saying, I am the very life you have. I am your "life" (the real life...spiritual life) as a branch gets it very sustenance, growth, "juice" from the vine, so you get it from me. You do that by abiding (being with, knowing, remaining). It's a simple concept, but because of sin so hard!

However, if we aren't abiding, we aren't bearing fruit. If we aren't abiding, we can do nothing. A branch can't do anything if it's cut off from it's life-source; it can't grow, can't enjoy bearing fruit, knowing the vine, being part of the vine, and sharing with the other branches on the vine. If we don't abide, we don't enjoy knowing, growing, and being with Christ. We don't know the benefits of the other branches (the Body), we don't enjoy bearing fruit. We are "cut off" from the very One who gives us life. SO!!! All that (which hopefully makes sense) to say, to "abide" with Christ means to be with Him FULLY. To grow in enjoying Him, to remain with Him even when things are hard, to grow with the Body because it's part of Him. I don't know how much fruit I'll bear. I don't think that's the focus...I think it's the outcome. We focus on abiding (enjoying and being with Christ) and He produces the fruit (and that doesn't necessarily mean converts). He also tells us that when I'm not abiding...I can do nothing. That's a scary though, but one I've proven true. Because when I try to do things on my own it never turns out good.

Especially in the chaos of leaving home, going to a new place, and adjusting here, I keep remembering two verses. One is John 15:5 about the Vine; the other Psalm 46. The Psalmist talks about all this chaos all around him, the world falling apart basically, and as the end he declares that phrase that so many only know half of so well :) "Be still and know that I am God...." The rest of it though is awesome to me..." I WILL be exalted among the nations, I WILL be exalted in the earth." So when my mind is going crazy, I'm overwhelmed, things seem chaotic, I catch a glimpse of my wrist (it's kind of like Deut. where God gives the Shema, and tells them to bind His law on their hands and foreheads; hands for them to see, foreheads for others to see (BUT I'M NOT GETTING ANYTHING TATTED ON MY FOREHEAD!!!) And I'm reminded of two things: 1. "Court, you don't have to get things figured out, things may be crazy and they may stay crazy, but all Jesus says is "abide". Just be with Him!" 2. "Court, be still and remember who God is. He says He WILL be exalted. He is in control, and He has already overcome. REMEMBER this!"

So my tattoo is doing what it was intended to do: to be the gentle reminder I constantly have with me to not focus on self or circumstances, but on my great covenant partner who simply says to abide with Him.

So, I leave you with this...life is crazy (no matter if you are adjusting to living in a new country, raising kids, working in the same job for 30 years, etc)...that's just the way it is. BUT in the midst of the craziness, are you abiding in the very One who gives Life, or are you still trying to grow fruit on your own?

There's a First Time for Everything

So today marks the first week of living in Bosnia-Herzegovina!
Throughout this week I've experienced a few "firsts" that I tried to keep track of to share with those of you who actually read this thing :) Most of these "firsts" will be norms during my time living here, but the experience of trying them for the first time was one I wanted to remember.
So here it goes:
1. Hung all my clothes out to dry (I know, I know this is pathetic. HOWEVER, in my defense, at some point my mom may have done this when I was younger, but I have never done it)
2. Ate Cevapi, Pita, and Doner for the first time
(Cevapi pronounced CHEE-VAH-PEE: small sausages inside of what Americans call pita bread (but SO much better than most pita in the States)-for you meat eaters out there, these would be right up your alley!)
Pita: NOT what I would think of. This is thin layers of dough rolled up around some kind of filling (beef, spinach, potatoes) I ate mine with potatoes...SO GOOD!)

Doner: it's like a pressed sandwhich on REALLY good bread with thinly sliced meat (usually lamb), cucumbers, lettuce, tomato, and a sauce..very messy, but very good!)

3. Did a scavenger hunt around Dobrinja with a Finnish guy :) This was someone who was here for the week, and as a "get to know our way around" we had to follow clues that led us around this area. He knew English so we were able to communicate, but I remember thinking to myself at one point: "I'm in Sarajevo...walking around...with a Finnish kid...that I just met...Okay!" :)

4. Bought my first ever appliance with a European plug-in! (My hairdryer AND straightner blew up the first week I was in Europe, so a girl had to do what a girl had to do ;) )

5. Drank Bosnian coffee...a little stronger than I'm use to (DEFINITELY has a little more "kick" than a pumpkin latte from Starbucks :) but it was a good experience, and I'm sure I'll get use to it as I will be drinking it ALOT!)
And last but definitely not least...
6. Experienced Bosnia winning a football (soccer) game! There were fireworks popping, horns blowing, people yelling and singing in the streets. This wasn't like a championship game; it was just a regular game :) Like when two professional teams in baseball or football in the states have a game, BUT the celebration was like a team winning the superbowl or world series! In their defense they did score RIGHT before the whistle to win the game, so it was really close.
At about 3 maybe 4 am that night I woke up to some people walking down the street singing loudly :) and then all of a sudden I heard a lady yell from her balcony "CUTI!" Pronounced CHOO TEE...Meaning "SHUT UP!" :)

So that concludes my first week in Sarajevo!
I hope you've enjoyed some of my "firsts" in Bosnia-Herzegovina.
I know I have!

Where's Walley?

So I've made it to my new city! WOO HOO!
I spent the last two weeks at an amazing conference, met some amazing people, learned a lot, was challenged in so many ways, and enjoyed every minute of it (even in the moments with little sleep :) ) Now that I'm in this new place though I am glad to finally be settling in. There's still of course TONS of adjustment, learning the language, and getting situated, BUT I am here! Praise the Lord!
I wanted to tell a little story about something that happened right before I left Holland to head to Sarajevo. I lost Walley :(
Walley (as he is affectionately known) is my ring that looks like an owl. I know, I know...ridiculous! But I love this ring! So when he went missing two days before the conference was over I was a little sad. I wasn't sure what had happened to him. I usually have 1-2 places I put my jewlery so I looked in those places and nothing. I looked throughout the room. We were a little compact in our room with 4 of us and all of our luggage so I wasn't sure where he might be. Then the thought occurred to me that I may have dropped Walley somewhere or taken him off. I looked in the lost and found...nothing :(
I know he's just a ring, but I love this ring. So...I told the Lord, "You know, I'm not devastated...it's just a ring, but You know that ring was special to me. I'll be fine without it, but if You could just help me find it I'd be very grateful."
I'm sure you are probably thinking, "Really, Courtney? You prayed about a ring? That's stupid"
BUT...the Lord answered! Today when I was going through my stuff unpacking I pulled out my emergency kit (bandaids and such). I don't know why but I opened it just to see what I had packed and there sitting in the bag was Walley!
I don't even remember taking the kit out of my backpack the whole conference! But at some point I must have slipped him in there.
I know it is a silly little ring that really has no value (I mean I got him from Claire's for goodness sake), but it helped me to remember how our Father is concerned even with the little (insignificant) things in our lives. I would have been fine without it, I didn't loose any sleep over it, and I sure wasn't going to worry about it, but it was a sweet reminder that the Lord cares. He knew that it meant something to me, He knew that "letting" go of it kind of hit my pride and made me have to once again say, "Nothing belongs to me, and it's just a 'thing'." But finding Walley brought a lot of joy to me not just because I have him again, but because it was a sweet reminder that my Father cares about EVERY detail of my life (no matter how small).

"O' For A Thousand Tongues to Sing!"

So I'm at the conferenece! WOO HOO! It's only been 2 days, people are still getting adjusted to time changes (including me), and settling from the overwhelmingness of being here. It's exciting, overwhelming, loud :) , amazing, emotionally draining, spiritually challenging, just a whole buncha GOD! :) I'm loving every minute of it.
One thing that drew me to this organization is the fact that it's made up of people from ALL over. This conference is the beautiful evidence of Christ's body from all tongues and tribes.
Last night imparticular, we were ending our session with singing. We sang "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord". And the Lord blessed my heart SO much. When it came to the chorus "Holy, Holy, Holy" we were told to sing it in our native tongue.
One word...B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!
There were SO many tongues singing out to the same Father proclaiming His holiness! I was in awe. I've worshipped with people from other cultures before, but not this many at one time. It was such a blessing to hear, and such an awesome reminder that the church is made up of many tongues, cultures, ethnicities, peoples! What a glorious thing! God has called the nations to Himself, and I am now surrounded by others who are called out to go to the nations to declare this great God we all worship!
This is such a sweet time of transition! Not only for my own heart as I prepare to get to my new home, but to meet those who are along this journey with me (just to a different part of the globe). And how excited and honored I am to get the chance to worship Jesus together!

"O' for a thousand tongues to sing OUR GREAT REDEEMERS NAME!!!"

"Leaving on a Jet Plane"

and for the first time I can genuinely say, "don't know when I'll be back again."

This journey began a long time ago, but now the day is finally here :) I'm sitting in the Chicago airport waiting on my flight to Amsterdam. This is my second 4 hour layover during my trip so needless to say I've had a lot of time to think. Thinking about this past summer, thinking about all the preparation that's gone into this, thinking about my family (which typically means I tear up! People probably think I'm looney sitting here and all of a sudden wiping tears away), thinking about the great and many evidences I've seen of the Lord in bringing me to this point, thinking about what's to come.

I know there's a lot I don't see coming (good and bad), but my prayer is the same as it's been: "use me, Lord". I don't ever know what that means, but my desire as I head out is to have open eyes, open ears, and an open heart to hear the Spirit as He leads.
Last night as I was finishing up packing my mom came in to tell me goodnight. She said she had been going through some things upstairs that she has filed away. She was looking through things Luke, Amber, and I had done from school. (To be fair, she wasn't just being a sap, she was actually looking for a document, but this is where it led her) She told me she found a sheet I filled out for a class in the 11th grade. I think it was some career type class and this was a career assessment sheet. It was SO crazy, but such evidence of the Lord!
The sheet read "What career do you want to go into?" My response, "Work Overseas for Christ". Then the next question said, "How do you prepare to accomplish this?" My response, "Go to college and then to seminary."
WHAT!?! When I graduated college, seminary was NO where on my radar. In fact, looking at this paper I was a little confused because I don't EVER remember seminary being in the plans :)
But it was so cool to see how the Lord had led me. At the age of 17, in the 11th grade He was already revealing this path.
I'm very aware that things haven't gone like I thought they would, and when I though they would, but they have gone according to HIS plan. What more could I ask for?

So here we are...the next step. I'm headed overseas! I'm almost positive things will not go as I plan or when I plan :) (That's some wisdom I HAVE picked up over the many lessons He's taught me.) But I know I will look back and see how His hand has been directing and leading in every step of the way, and things happened just as He intended (when He intended). He is such a sovereign and amazing Father!

And that is the ONE thought I want to dwell on as I'm sitting here with so many thoughts running through my mind!

The Final Countdown...

I have 6 days left...SIX days!
The thought of that is surreal, exciting, overwhelming, bitter-sweet, and a bit scary. I guess that's why it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm up writing instead of sleeping.
My mind is racing with packing, what I need to do this week, what I want to enjoy my last week in the States, and also dreading the "goodbyes" to come. I've spent the last several months preparing: Saying goodbye to friends in Wake Forest, selling all of my stuff, moving home, buying things I'll need, raising support, packing, taking care of legal things, and talking to people about going. And now...well now it's here. It's upon me...my final week.
It's completely hard to describe the emotions going on. I'd be lying if I didn't say there weren't times that I just want to break down. The thought of saying bye to my parents is something I'm dreading, and I know it's approaching soon. I know after it's over and I'm on the plane I will be okay, even excited to get there, but actually having to say "goodbye" is what I dread. I'm not trying to be overdramatic, and I'm glad to have parents who love and support me as I go. I think that's why it makes it so hard to say goodbye. I love them very much. And they love and support me; on top of that they are my brother and sister in Christ. A bond I'm very thankful for.
So I go from a feeling of dread from thinking about that moment....to feelings of excitment at what's to come....to fear as to all the unknowns and...to joy for not knowing :)
I know a lot of changes are coming very soon, and as I deal with all of these different emotions that "pop" up before me this word continues to confront and comfort me...."Abide". I know it's not the word, but the One whom I abide in that comforts. It calms me and focuses me just to "be" with Christ, to rest in Him...in these moments of overwhelming emotions that fluctuate WAY too much for this girl who doesn't like to cry and isn't the most affectionate (my roommate, Marta, can testify to my lack of hugs! :) ) I'm simply reminded to not be overcome by the emotions, but to seek Christ in each of them. That's a very hard thing to do. Emotions are a very strong thing that can captivate us. We can all testify that. But my sweet Savior has been so gracious to continually and gently press upon me to simply abide in Him. I know He will need to continually remind me as life changes, my sin gets in the way, and things don't go as I think they should.
So, here we are...
The countdown's begun...six more days...and I'll be abiding with Him in every one of them!

Never Thought A "Paci" Would Teach Me So Much

My niece's paci "broke" this week. Sara Kate (affectionately known as Squish) is two and therefore has teeth :) So her beloved, faithful paci got a hole in it after much chewing. This may not seem like a big deal but this two year old (who is for the most part sweet showing her attitude on occassion) became A WHOLE NOTHER CHILD. It was like she was so disappointed and devastated that her paci had "let her down" that she became a different person. She gave up on her "entourage" (blankie, puppy, and monkey) who she often carries everywhere and sleeps with. This also effected her demeanor during the day as I know she was "testing" to my sister the past few days because of her joyous A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E (complete sarcasm). She even refused any new paci that was offered.
Last night as I was trying to get her to lay down she was whinning and I offered her a BRAND new paci (the exact same as her old one) and told her that CaCa had "fixed" her paci. Squish looked up at me and said wimpering, "No, it's bwoke."
Today I was thinking about that. Sweet Squish had been let down and her paci disappointed her. It was a tough time for her (everyone in the house can testify to this!), and she didn't trust that when I offered her a new paci that it was in fact "fixed" and given the age of her old paci, probably better than the other. It made me think about how we (yes adults) are like that. Things, people, the economy, life lets us down; we go through hard times; we have to face hard things, and we have a choice as to how we handle it. The way we handle the hardships and let downs also bring us to the place of how we handle our Father's good gifts. I'm not talking about material gifts, but the things He has planned that we don't see coming. Things that may not mean the same without the hardships and let downs. Depending on our response to the hardships and let downs could determine whether we trust whether the "paci" we're being offered later on is reliable and good. If we hold on to the hard times, kicking and screaming at how disappointed we are, we may "see" those hardships instead of the BRAND new opportunities that come before us and not trust that they are in fact good.

Today was a hard day for me... A "bwoke" day if you will. You see today my brother left for college, AND my sister and the girls went back home. I won't see them again before I leave.

I didn't want to cry. I honestly wanted to act like I would see them again soon, but the reality is that Amber is a bit more realistic than I am. When we said "goodbye" her tears started flowing, and then came mine. It was very hard to say "goodbye". Amber and I are close (probably closer than many can claim) and that's not bragging, but rather said in a thankful manner because Amber and I have a great relationship as sisters in the Lord.
So as they left today and the thought of Squish and her paci came to mind I thought about how even though there's a "broke"-ness to this, I know my Father's offering something that is unfamiliar and that I don't know all the details to, BUT I have to trust that it is good. I can be sad about leaving my family (there's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact I'm glad I have a family to be sad about leaving), but I don't need to let this hard time leave me disappointed and devastated. Rather, I need to trust that as hard as saying "goodbye" is (and there's some harder one's to come), my Father has never let me down or disappointed me.
So the "broke" days will come (in many different forms), but the question is will you, will I, hold on to those hard times (like a two year old begrudging her unfaithful paci :) ) and let them effect what God offers to us in the future? or will you trust that what God is offering is good?

Back Where I Come From

Culture has always interested me. I think that's why I love history so much. While I know that "my citizenship is in heaven" I love learning about how people live, how their traditions and "ways" have come about, and to learn from the downfalls and successes of cultures.
I'm thankful that growing up I was able to spend time in many different cultures. I was born just outside of New Orleans (or as locals say "Naw'Lins"). If you know anything about New Orleans you know it's RICH with culture, a culture like NO OTHER! When I was 2 we moved overseas. I loved living in other cultures with people from MANY different countries. I was able to witness women with babies wrapped to their backs while carrying fruit baskets on their heads, men who knelt on their mats every day as the mosque called over the area, children holding on tightly as their family of 5 rode together on mopeds. These things didn't seem unusual to me until I left and realized it's not done the same way in the States. Our family was blessed to live in these places along with people from cultures that were very different from where we were from (some even being just from different parts of the U.S.) We lived together, learned from one another (including some VERY good cooking), and we were a community.
I'm very grateful for the way I grew up. While my childhood growing up was rich with this exposure to cultures though, the majority of my life has been spent in one place, the South...the DEEP South! I'm a Mississippi girl, but not just a Mississippi girl, a Mississippi Gulf Coast girl, the place where Cajun culture from the West collided with the rich Delta "Country" culture of North Mississippi.
Being back "home" has brought me to appreciate this cutlure. A culture where catfish, crabs, and crawfish are as common as chicken on the dinner table, Spanish moss is our backyard decor, we only have two seasons: HOT humidity and COLD humidity, Katrina water lines are clearly marked and remembered, "ain't" and "ya'll" are IN FACT correct grammar :), people go to the bayou just as much as the beach, as Hank described it "we's them ole boys raised on shotguns; we say grace and we say ma'am....(you can finish the rest :) ), gumbo is only cooked one way: slow and spicy, and "tea" is only a word when its preceded with "sweet".
As I've spent the summer driving roads I've been down MANY times, looking at places that have changed drastically while others look the same as when I was 10 years old, there's been a nostalgic feeling of appreciation for this area I've called home. I would never let where I'm from DEFINE who I am, but I know it's influenced me tremendously. The South is not by any means a perfect place, but I am proud to call it "home".
All that said, I just wanted to share a bit of where I'm from and the things I'm soaking in as I prepare to head out.

Thanks for reading!

And Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

Naive to Impossible

"We are too young to realize that certain things are impossible...So we will do them anyway."

-William Wilberforce

"But He said, 'The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.' "

-Luke 18:27

The past 3 and 1/2 years of my life have been spent surrounded by extraordinary people. Many who are training to go into full-time ministry or overseas. Their journey's began long before I knew them but I was able to be apart of this "process" of going. This isn't to say life stopped and ministry wasn't a part of life in seminary, but most in Wake Forest know that it is a "transition" place. Many didn't stay there long (me included) and that's just the way it is.

Since I've been in the "middle" stages of this process though, I think I forgot what the beginning of many of these journey's looked like: the excitement, naivety, newness, fearlessness, "taking on hell with a water pistol" attitude!

In recent days I have been reminded of those beginning stages, and I'm SO thankful to get to witness the Lord working. In just the past few weeks there have been four young people who have come forward and said that they believe the Lord is leading them to serve overseas! I have gotten to speak with 2 of them and hopefully will get to meet with them more before I head out. Now, one lesson I had to learn was that going overseas doesn't make you "special" or a superman type of person. Sometimes we have this notion that believers who live overseas are somehow "above" others. That's not the case AT ALL! (I can vouch for that because I need just as much grace daily as the next person). We are told to love the Lord and to love people. No matter where we are that's what we are called to. Those who go overseas may have different battles because they are in a different culture, can't speak the language, and aren't' familiar with the area, but believers ALL face struggles, trials, and hardships. The thing that remains the same is CHRIST! And that is Who we live in and for, no matter the location.

So these 4 young people have started an incredible journey, but it's not just because they want to go overseas. I think it's awesome that they are being led overseas and I'm not down playing the difficulty or "sacrifice", but what they are experiencing is realizing that they are called to something MUCH bigger than themselves. They are called to love God, proclaim Him to ALL nations, and love those nations! (as we all are) I remember the first time I began to realize that. Such a wonderful naivety! A blindness if you will to the hurdles and "impossibilities" before me. This isn't a bad blindness because it causes us to go forward trusting even when we don't see what's next. A beautiful faith in the One who knows every step of our path. I hope that as these four continue on and they're eyes are opened to the things that seem impossible they will continue to cling to the One who makes all things possible.

In thinking about these four, praying for them, being reminded of my own "beginnings" of this journey, and gratefully remembering MY GOD CAN DO ALL THINGS, this song keeps coming to mind:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace"

BLISSful Words

I was looking through some stuff today and found this "song" written by Phillip P. Bliss. It was the last one he wrote just before he and his wife were killed in a train crash. To my knowledge it has never had music put to it.
I remember the first time I read these words. At that point in life they were just what I needed to hear. I was trying to figure out where God was leading me and these words just reminded me that God knew what He was doing even though I couldn't see it.
In finding it today I was once again reminded of that same truth: we aren't suppose to have everything figured out; we are to simply abide. What a sweet journey He leads us in! I hope these words bless you as much as they have me!
-Courtney

I know not what awaits me,
God kindly veils mine eyes;
And o'er each step of my onward way
He makes new scenes to rise;
And every joy He sends me comes
A sweet and glad surprise.

One step I see before me,
'Tis all I need to see,
The light of heaven more brightly shines,
When earth's illusions flee;
And sweetly thro'the silence comes
His loving "Follow me."

O blissful lack of wisdom,
'Tis blessed not to know;
He holds me with His own right hand,
And will not let me go,
And lulls my troubled soul to rest
In Him who loves me so.

So on I go, not knowing,
I would not if I might;
I'd rather walk in the dark with God
Than go alone in the light;
I'd rather walk by faith with Him
Than go alone by sight.

-Phillip P. Bliss

When the Fog Clears

"Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory."- Paul

"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on Him."- Hudson Taylor

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and you're just in a "fog"? I know physically stuff like sinuses and allergies can do that, but more so just kind of like you wake up "defeated" feeling?
I had one of those days yesterday...
I don't know why but I woke up to go to church and I just felt defeated. There wasn't anything in particular, but there were just discouraging thoughts going through my head, and I just didn't feel motivated at all. It wasn't like I was sulking around. People probably didn't even notice. But there was a battle within me. I was going to talk to some people about going overseas (which I did), and it went fine (I find when I start talking about it, the Lord just excites my soul!), but there was still this "air" of "Courtney, do you really think anyone cares?" I know that it's spiritual warfare, and I know the answer to that question is "ABSOLUTELY, people care!" But questions like that are causing me to question God. That's been the enemies tacit from the beginning!
Then some wise words popped in my head (from a wise man who is only like a year older than me!) I remember talking to my dorm "parents" from college (who also have become sweet friends) when they were overseas. One thing that stuck out to me was when he said, "You know, Courtney, if you want to feel like a complete baby again, go overseas. You're in a place where you can't communicate with people because you don't know the language, you're dependent on others to help you, you're like a child, completely dependent. But you know, one thing I've learned is that we're not here for people or ourselves, because we would've given up a long time ago. We are here for God. Now, we love people, but you know like we do, that they'll let you down. Things get "normal" and life continues. But He is our only sure thing. He is the ONLY thing that hasn't, doesn't, and won't change."
So I clung to that because it is Hebrews 13:8! When thoughts and questions of defeat and discouragement come about I need to remember, HE NEVER CHANGES! The truth is that some people may not care about where I'm going or what the Lord is doing in the world. But GOD STILL CARES ABOUT THE WORLD! He doesn't need people to confirm His plan. He is God!
The Lord then did a very gracious and encouraging thing to help the "fog" clear...
He blessed me with seeing people come forward yesterday professing that they had come into a relationship with Him! On top of that excitement there were also two youth age boys who came forward saying they believed the Lord was beginning a journey of leading them to go overseas full time! I was crying and praising the Lord!
I understand a little of the journey these two boys have ahead of them. They (as I am) are naive to the hardships, struggles (physically and spiritually), and sacrifices that are ahead of them. But HOW BEAUTIFUL to be dependent on God in not knowing!
We ARE like children! And it is the best place to be: like a child; completely dependent on our Father who is steadfast, immovable, and never changing!

Jump On In

"Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.' "- Matthew 18:2-4

The past two weeks have been amazing! I've been "roughing it" hanging out with my neices (mainly in the pool). They love to swim, but Sara Kate (the Squish) is only 2 and can't swim on her own yet. She is bold, and thinks she can do some things on her own. Unlike Carsyn, SK is a little fearful. Once she realizes she can't swim she is QUICKLY clinging to the nearest adult in the pool and wants "OOOUUUT!" The one thing SK LOVES to do though is jump. She gets on the ladder and says, "jump!" She waits (not very patiently) til someone (big enough) will stand in front of her and she jumps in before you even count to three. This past week Carsyn (who is only 5) decided she wanted to try to catch SK. I wasn't too sure about this. Not because Carsyn can't catch her (and I knew I'd be right there to help), but because I didn't think SK would trust her sister (whose head is the only part of her body outside of the water) to catch her. Well, the Squish proved me wrong. Carsyn held up her hands and said, "Come on Sara Kate, jump!" and without hesitation SK jumped right to her. Once again, the Lord used a child to remind me what faith is. She trusted without hesitation that her sister was going to catch her and not let her drown and she proved it by jumping in.

Then again Sunday night God used children to humble me to realize I complicate things way too much! I presented to the church I grew up in and the presentation went well. I received a ton of encouragement and was so blessed by this congregation. I even cried!

I cried because at the end of presenting the pastor gave me a check to go towards my support. I've received many gifts from people. They are all SO very precious to me and the Lord has used so many to provide and bless me as I head overseas.

This gift though was a little different.... It came from children!

The church does a Vacation Bible School during the summer, and during that time they ask the kids to bring money for missions. They of course make a competition of it between the boys and girls but always emphasize that the money goes to teach others about Christ. These kids know that giving to missions is a good thing because God says it is good. Why is it so simple for children to trust in that? They don't hesitate to give the money (they've saved or their parents have given them). They could keep it to buy a new toy, movie, etc., but they give it to what God says is good: teaching others about Christ.

Their gift helped me to remember that God is good and that's all I need to know. No matter what my gift is, what I give up: how big or small it may be, I "jump in" without hesitation giving(my life, my money, time, family, friends) because God is good and people need to hear about Christ.

"Oh Blah-Dee, Oh Blah-Dah, Life Goes On"

You know those relationships you have where you don't talk to the person for years, but when you see them it's like you just saw each other the day before. I've been blessed in my life to have a few relationships like that. This past week those very relationships have been so encouraging to my life as I prepare to go overseas.
My roommate from college got in touch with me and told me she'd be in the area on Saturday I was so excited to go see her. I love Blair! We lived together for our last two years of college, and she is just precious to my heart! We've been there for one another through some joyous times, hard times, crazy times, and just through life. I've always loved her family too, so the fact that her parents were with her just added to my excitement. I haven't seen Blair in 2 years (since her wedding), and we talk, but not as often as either of us would like.
Seeing her Saturday was so refreshing! We talked about memories, laughed, joked, and caught up on what's been going on. It was as if we just saw each other. We weren't together for long, but but it was such a time of encouragement! And I'm so thankful to the Lord for letting me see her one last time before leaving!

Blair was in town because one of our friends (her best friend) was getting married. She was telling me she saw a lot of people from college at the wedding. She informed me that our friend, Allison was there. Allison was a friend I was close to especially my Junior and Senior years of college. Her, our friend, Brittany, and myself use to have fun doing nothing but being together. We just had fun no matter what we were doing (whether singing with hair brushes to Kelly Clarkson, dancing like nobody's business, or "stealing" our friend, MaryBeth's car while she chased after us!), and that's all because Allison is CRAZY-fun! So, I got in touch with Allison and found out she is living back in Alabama while her husband (also a friend from college) is overseas.
We made plans to meet on Tuesday. It was so neat to see her! She has two children now (both beautiful babies!) and thanks to her mother-in-law we were able to go grab a bite to eat. THREE HOURS LATER we returned! Our conversation was so sweet, and I miss her friendship so much. I love though that even after 4 years has past and many changes have occurred in both of our lives when we got together we picked up right where we left off...kindred spirits. We had such an encouraging talk about the Lord and how He's worked in our lives. That's one thing I've always cherished about my relationship with Allison; she is just honest, real, and loves to talk about the Lord and His work in her life! We've always shared openly with each other, and she's never failed to speak truth into my life!
I realized that even though I didn't have a label for it, I had GREAT community with these ladies in my college years. We just loved the Lord, loved each other, and had a blast living life together.
Allison said something that just sums it all up. She said, "You know I love that we can get together and it's not weird or like we have to catch up on EVERYTHING since we haven't talked in a while, but it's like we can just pick up where we left off. I think it's like that with believers." And she's so right! Both of these ladies weren't just great friends in college, but they are my sisters. For as long as I go without seeing them (even if it's never again, but we're not banking on THAT!) they will always be dear to my heart because of our relationships in Christ.
This past week held such beautiful times of encouragement to me! And I'm still praising the Lord for it!

It's a Small World After All

I hate this ride at Disney. Not the ride in and of itself (though it's a little slow for my roller-coaster blood), but this SONG!!! It embeds itself in your head and you spend the rest of your time there catching yourself humming it! As much as I dislike this song though, I've had several moments this past week that have made me think of it...
Sometime last week (I can't remember the day) I was having a weird day. I wasn't really discouraged in the sense we often think of it or anything, just somber. For whatever reason I woke up that morning and in the process of getting ready the thought occurred to me, "Courtney, this isn't your home. You haven't lived here in 7 years; it's not your home. In fact, you'll probably never own a home. You are a nomad." This thought didn't sadden me. It was just a realization that hadn't occurred to me. I've lived in apartments the past 7 years of my life, and therefore haven't owned them. I lived with my parents before then, and am now once again under their roof. I have been very grateful for the places I've lived and for my parents allowing me to live in their home. Nonetheless, the thought occurred to me that I am a drifter. Even when I get overseas, that will not be my "home". I hope it becomes more of my "home" than being in the States, but I will always be an implant there. It kind of makes the reality of the Son of Man not having a place to lay His head a little more real. Not that I'm homeless and don't have a bed (I'm not trying to make this dramatic), but moreso realizing that I'm at the mercy of others to provide a roof over my head.
Like I said, this didn't discourage or sadden me, but rather it made me a little somber. Am I really wanting to live this way? What about the American dream? The white picket fence and the 2.5 kids playing in the yard? :)
I've never really desired that kind of a life. So those questions were fleeting. But it did put me in a somber mood, so I just needed a little encouragement, a little bit of "I'm God and I know what I'm doing with your life" thrown at me :) So that's just what God did!
After this day (it may have been the same day) I got an email from a man my dad works with saying they wanted to help send me overseas. His letter was very encouraging and this couple actually has a daughter serving overseas as well. He talked about how he'd be praying for me and my family sense he also knows the hardship the families back home go through. It was awesome to me that this couple, whom I've never met (and may never meet), and whose relationship with our family started through an oil company and meeting my dad overseas, and who have sacrificed their own daughter to what the Lord has called her to, was wanting to encourage and support me as I go. What a humbling thing!
Then this past Sunday I went to the church my sister and brother-in-law went to while living here. There was a family visiting who lives in Southeast Asia. Of course I wanted to talk to them about where they are and what they are doing. While talking to them we realized that they know one of my dear friends who is in Southeast Asia. In fact they do some "work" together. Also, they know one of the people going with the same organization as me. His family spent some time in their country and he is friends with this families children. Such a neat time to talk with them and be encouraged by them!
After that I met the outreach pastor there and told him about going to Bosnia. He introduced me to his wife, because she has been to Bosnia! I was just like, "Really God? Really?" Her and I had a short, but nice chat about her time there. It excited my heart a little more towards leaving. (I will definitely be talking to this couple more)
Every occurrence just made me think, "What a SMALL WORLD!?!" God used all of these to encourage my heart in knowing that He is a BIG God, and this is a small world. He is intricately involved in each part of it. He knew I needed to meet these people and be encouraged that while I may feel like a stranger in this world, it's because I am. But I have brothers and sisters who are like-minded and walking alongside me in this. We are intricately knit together for one purpose: that HIS GLORY AND SALVATION WOULD BE KNOWN TO THE NATIONS!
If that doesn't bring my heart out of somberness and into rejoicing I don't know what else will!